Pro Tip of the Day: If you don’t put naked pictures of yourself on the Internet, be it Facebook, e-mail, Twitter, whatever… There won’t BE naked pictures of you on the Internet. Unless someone takes a picture of your face and photoshops it onto a naked person. This is a fact.
With a devastating story of broken trust, lies, deceit, hacking, and stupid girls whirling about the Internet, it seems like a good time to update our knowledge on protecting our naked bodies from, well, everyone else in the world. Surprisingly, it’s quite easy to do if you’re not a moron.
Step One:
Don’t take naked pictures of yourself. End of story? It should be. However, if you feel the need to do this, you probably also feel the need to share them with people. Once this occurs, you forfeit all rights to privacy. It doesn’t really matter if you send a personal e-mail to the person you hope will enjoy your nakedness; once they have your picture, there’s a chance that they’re going to want to show it to other people. Can you really trust them enough to keep it private? Probably not.
Good thinking, eh? But what if you are TRICKED into giving out your password to a social networking site? You most certainly can’t be at fault in this scenario, can you? Well, yeah. You can.
Step Two:
Don’t give out your password. In the story mentioned earlier, the perpetrator is portrayed as a “hacker,” using social engineering techniques to snag people’s password hints and reset their passwords. How did they accomplish this? Promiscuous girls with tiny brains simply handed over the information. Even if you think you’re talking to a friend, I cannot fathom a plausible reason to give someone your password information. That’s one of the first things you learn when you climb aboard the Internet.
Also, if this occurs, you must remember that you’ve already ignored Step One, which was not to put any compromising photos on the Internet in the first place. Had you followed this rule, you would not find your smiling, naked body on AdultFriendFinder advertisements around every Internet corner.
Step Three:
Once again, in the current event story of filthy Facebook hacking, the girls added a person they didn’t know on Facebook, and engaged him in conversation. Tough to feel bad for you at this point, ladies. If you weren’t acting like harlots, and adding any guy that requested it, you would most likely not find yourself in your current situation.
Was this guy wrong to do what he did? Yeah. Was it creepy? Sort of. Was it 100% his fault? Not by a long shot. Most of us don’t feel sorry for you, ladies. Sorry. 100% of comments I’ve seen on news sites so far, in reference to the current event, have been against you. You would have looked more intelligent by responding to a Nigerian prince offering to send you millions of dollars.
Try standing up for yourselves and resisting the urge to be an attention whore. Is adding a random guy you’ve never heard of and increasing your Facebook friend count really worth losing your privacy? You didn’t only let yourself and your family down, you let us down.
So now, whenever you see that picture of yourself on some adult website, just remember this one thing: It’s completely your fault that it’s there.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Millions of Americans vehemently opposed to Welfare begin to realize that they’re actually quite fond of it.
With the elimination of Bush-era tax cuts and long-term unemployment benefits only weeks away, millions of Americans who have held firm in their disgust with “greedy, lazy Americans” who receive welfare benefits are feeling abashed after a dawning realization that they have been enjoying, and somewhat dependant, on the same thing.
“I’m not sure what I’m going to do now,” says Matthew Fenton, a single parent from Lansing, Michigan. Like millions of other Americans, Fenton has been enjoying 3-5 percent income tax reductions, non-existent estate tax, lower marriage penalties, and a doubled $1000 dollar per-child credit for the last ten years.
“It’s haunting to wake up one morning and suddenly realize I’ve been receiving the same thing. It’s absolutely humiliating,” he continued. “I’ve complained about low-income people receiving assistance for years. Now, to wake up and realize I’ve been receiving assistance too, well, it’s almost too much to take.”
To be fair, Fenton isn’t the only one. Millions of moderately well-off Americans will feel the effects of these tax cuts, if extensions are not agreed upon, as well. Ironically, high-income earners over the course of the ten year tax cuts have actually saved significantly more than a single mom receiving welfare checks for that same time period. In some cases, they’ve saved more than the amount of ten years of welfare checks in a single year.
Garrett Wickre, a sales director out of Veblen, South Dakota taking home over $100,000 a year, had similar feelings.
“For years I’ve thought that ‘Hey, if you can’t afford what you need, get another job!’ I didn’t realize my $30,000 in tax cuts was actually more than they could make in almost two years of full-time work. It’s a sickening feeling, to be sure.”
Fortunately, all may not be lost. Over the next few weeks Congress will attempt to push through legislation extending the tax cuts for up to three additional years. If this measure is successful, middle and upper-class Americans will continue to enjoy this government assistance for the foreseeable future.
But please remember, it’s NOT welfare. It’s just government assistance in these tough economic times.
“I’m not sure what I’m going to do now,” says Matthew Fenton, a single parent from Lansing, Michigan. Like millions of other Americans, Fenton has been enjoying 3-5 percent income tax reductions, non-existent estate tax, lower marriage penalties, and a doubled $1000 dollar per-child credit for the last ten years.
“It’s haunting to wake up one morning and suddenly realize I’ve been receiving the same thing. It’s absolutely humiliating,” he continued. “I’ve complained about low-income people receiving assistance for years. Now, to wake up and realize I’ve been receiving assistance too, well, it’s almost too much to take.”
To be fair, Fenton isn’t the only one. Millions of moderately well-off Americans will feel the effects of these tax cuts, if extensions are not agreed upon, as well. Ironically, high-income earners over the course of the ten year tax cuts have actually saved significantly more than a single mom receiving welfare checks for that same time period. In some cases, they’ve saved more than the amount of ten years of welfare checks in a single year.
Garrett Wickre, a sales director out of Veblen, South Dakota taking home over $100,000 a year, had similar feelings.
“For years I’ve thought that ‘Hey, if you can’t afford what you need, get another job!’ I didn’t realize my $30,000 in tax cuts was actually more than they could make in almost two years of full-time work. It’s a sickening feeling, to be sure.”
Fortunately, all may not be lost. Over the next few weeks Congress will attempt to push through legislation extending the tax cuts for up to three additional years. If this measure is successful, middle and upper-class Americans will continue to enjoy this government assistance for the foreseeable future.
But please remember, it’s NOT welfare. It’s just government assistance in these tough economic times.
Full-body scanner's 99.9% threat-elimination overshadowed by mild insecurities; genitalia embarrassment.
"Hey! In 1992, we invented a device that can significantly reduce invasive physical searches, and virtually eliminate every threat posed by terrorists on airplanes."
"Really? How does it work?"
"Well, it either uses millimeter wave scanner, or backscatter X-ray technology. One makes a skeletal, stick-outline of the body; the other creates a lumpy, vague virtual image of the person. The images are both highly ambiguous, and only your closest friends and family would have even a slight chance of identifying the image as you. However, almost any foreign object can be detected."
"That sounds inappropriate."
"How so?"
"Well, I'm a woman, and it the image would depict my naked breasts. This is not desirable."
"This is partially true. However, the millimeter wave scanner would not produce this depiction. It's a skeletal, stick-outline, as I stated before. The backscatter X-ray technique would depict your breasts, in a very distorted, lumpy fashion. Your face would be nearly unrecognizable. Wearing a tank top would be significantly more exposing."
"Why should my breasts be exposed? Your penis would also be exposed."
"Well, you're about to board a flight on an airplane. Sometimes, people hijack airplanes or terrorize them using weapons that they bring on board. If this happens, you would most likely die. These body scanners virtually eliminate the possibility of sneaking weapons onto flights, and you will be much safer and probably won't die. In response to my penis being exposed, I'm willing to deal with a TSA official getting a 3 second look at my highly-distorted genitalia so that I won't die."
"It seems invasive."
"Is being patted down a better option for you?"
"No, that's physically abusive."
"Ok. How about standing in 3 hour lines while we wand everyone? This will catch metal objects, but not objects made from other materials. It's not nearly as safe."
"This is also not desirable."
"Right. These scans are much more effective, and take 15 seconds to perform."
"What if someone puts my picture on the Internet?"
"The images are not transmitted over a wireless connection, they are moved via physical wire to a computer and monitor in a closed room. TSA officials view these images. They are then deleted."
"That sounds pretty secure. But what if someone used a USB stick to save my image and put it on the Internet for everyone to view?"
"There are no drives on this special computer that would allow the transmission of images. Also, that's ridiculous."
"I guess. I still feel like this is invasive."
"It IS invasive. That's what a search is. It's less invasive than the previous methods of screening, however. You aren't touched at all, and you aren't subjected to wanding in public while people watch you. Remember, you're getting on a huge airplane and you might die if we don't do this. It's hardly an inconvenience."
"I suppose. I'm going to sue the TSA for an invasion of privacy."
"Why?"
"This is invasive."
"I don't think you understand. You might die. You're going to be screened, one way or another. One, possibly two people will see thousands of these images everyday. The images are then deleted. You will not be ridiculed, or remembered. But you will land safely at your destination, alive. If you are blown up on an airplane, you will not be alive to enjoy your privacy."
"This is not desirable."
"Right."
"Really? How does it work?"
"Well, it either uses millimeter wave scanner, or backscatter X-ray technology. One makes a skeletal, stick-outline of the body; the other creates a lumpy, vague virtual image of the person. The images are both highly ambiguous, and only your closest friends and family would have even a slight chance of identifying the image as you. However, almost any foreign object can be detected."
"That sounds inappropriate."
"How so?"
"Well, I'm a woman, and it the image would depict my naked breasts. This is not desirable."
"This is partially true. However, the millimeter wave scanner would not produce this depiction. It's a skeletal, stick-outline, as I stated before. The backscatter X-ray technique would depict your breasts, in a very distorted, lumpy fashion. Your face would be nearly unrecognizable. Wearing a tank top would be significantly more exposing."
"Why should my breasts be exposed? Your penis would also be exposed."
"Well, you're about to board a flight on an airplane. Sometimes, people hijack airplanes or terrorize them using weapons that they bring on board. If this happens, you would most likely die. These body scanners virtually eliminate the possibility of sneaking weapons onto flights, and you will be much safer and probably won't die. In response to my penis being exposed, I'm willing to deal with a TSA official getting a 3 second look at my highly-distorted genitalia so that I won't die."
"It seems invasive."
"Is being patted down a better option for you?"
"No, that's physically abusive."
"Ok. How about standing in 3 hour lines while we wand everyone? This will catch metal objects, but not objects made from other materials. It's not nearly as safe."
"This is also not desirable."
"Right. These scans are much more effective, and take 15 seconds to perform."
"What if someone puts my picture on the Internet?"
"The images are not transmitted over a wireless connection, they are moved via physical wire to a computer and monitor in a closed room. TSA officials view these images. They are then deleted."
"That sounds pretty secure. But what if someone used a USB stick to save my image and put it on the Internet for everyone to view?"
"There are no drives on this special computer that would allow the transmission of images. Also, that's ridiculous."
"I guess. I still feel like this is invasive."
"It IS invasive. That's what a search is. It's less invasive than the previous methods of screening, however. You aren't touched at all, and you aren't subjected to wanding in public while people watch you. Remember, you're getting on a huge airplane and you might die if we don't do this. It's hardly an inconvenience."
"I suppose. I'm going to sue the TSA for an invasion of privacy."
"Why?"
"This is invasive."
"I don't think you understand. You might die. You're going to be screened, one way or another. One, possibly two people will see thousands of these images everyday. The images are then deleted. You will not be ridiculed, or remembered. But you will land safely at your destination, alive. If you are blown up on an airplane, you will not be alive to enjoy your privacy."
"This is not desirable."
"Right."
Victims of stranded cruise ship come together to find hope; healing.
"We have not had a hot cup of coffee in four days," –Fahizah Alim, 26, of Sacramento. Stranded on Carnival cruise ship.
“The worst things were the lines and really not being fulfilled with the food the way you wanted to be," –Janell Kennedy, stranded on Carnival cruise ship.
“On the last day, nerves grew raw” –Anonymous passenger describing the rising tensions experienced on the final day aboard.
Oh, passengers of the stranded Carnival cruise ship, our hearts and sympathies pour out to you as your harrowing ordeal draws to a close. The horror, desperation, hopelessness, and terror you must have experienced during these endless four days on a luxury cruise ship, while eating only hot dogs, salads, cold cut sandwiches, crab, and cold drinks, is unimaginable.
We immediately drew comparisons to the trapped Chilean miners. How you must have envied them, and the relative luxury they enjoyed, while you waited for almost 12 hours for the bathrooms to work again, and stared longingly at the out-of-service whirlpools. The sadness and longing for home you must have experienced while you walked dejectedly back to your king-size, pillow-top beds is almost more than I can endure.
The injustices that were committed against you also bring to mind the Deepwater Horizon oil spill. The negligence of the Carnival cruise crew, to simply allow an electrical fire to start, is inexcusable. The oil can be cleaned up, the wildlife will flourish again, but the trauma and agony in your hearts and minds may never heal.
You men and women are the true definition of American Heroes. Now, it’s our turn to show you the compassion and dedication we can muster when we come together within our communities. We will show you the meaning of hope, charity, and compassion. Counselors will be waiting to guide you through the post traumatic stress disorder you must certainly be suffering, and a monument with the names of all of the victims of this atrocity will certainly be erected in your honor.
You will never be forgotten. Hot coffee will also be provided.
“The worst things were the lines and really not being fulfilled with the food the way you wanted to be," –Janell Kennedy, stranded on Carnival cruise ship.
“On the last day, nerves grew raw” –Anonymous passenger describing the rising tensions experienced on the final day aboard.
Oh, passengers of the stranded Carnival cruise ship, our hearts and sympathies pour out to you as your harrowing ordeal draws to a close. The horror, desperation, hopelessness, and terror you must have experienced during these endless four days on a luxury cruise ship, while eating only hot dogs, salads, cold cut sandwiches, crab, and cold drinks, is unimaginable.
We immediately drew comparisons to the trapped Chilean miners. How you must have envied them, and the relative luxury they enjoyed, while you waited for almost 12 hours for the bathrooms to work again, and stared longingly at the out-of-service whirlpools. The sadness and longing for home you must have experienced while you walked dejectedly back to your king-size, pillow-top beds is almost more than I can endure.
The injustices that were committed against you also bring to mind the Deepwater Horizon oil spill. The negligence of the Carnival cruise crew, to simply allow an electrical fire to start, is inexcusable. The oil can be cleaned up, the wildlife will flourish again, but the trauma and agony in your hearts and minds may never heal.
You men and women are the true definition of American Heroes. Now, it’s our turn to show you the compassion and dedication we can muster when we come together within our communities. We will show you the meaning of hope, charity, and compassion. Counselors will be waiting to guide you through the post traumatic stress disorder you must certainly be suffering, and a monument with the names of all of the victims of this atrocity will certainly be erected in your honor.
You will never be forgotten. Hot coffee will also be provided.
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